There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is classic penis vs brain.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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