I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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