i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
