the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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