Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize