do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
