I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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