oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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