i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
