Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize