I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
