also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
