i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
