We're facebook friends in real life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
