my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize