You're completely useless in the revolution.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
