did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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