there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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