I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
