Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
