Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
