How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
