you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
