Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
