I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A+ Viking dick
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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