She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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