He told me they were just razor bumps!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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