im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
