so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
