Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
