I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
