Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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