11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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