Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
