I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
