1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
