I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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