I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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