i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
