Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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