Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Found the puke drawer
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
did you just send me my own nude
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
