I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
