I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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