why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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