Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
