U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
