I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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