if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
