who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize