I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize