Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
