he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
