i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
