I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
