just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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