We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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