I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
