No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
