I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
