Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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