I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
