im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
