There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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