glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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