shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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