Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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