It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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