btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
