he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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