Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
