I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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