his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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