apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
