i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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