what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
