i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
