Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i drank out of a bidet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
