u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
