Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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