Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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