We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
