Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My bed smells like the plague
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
