how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Swine flu is the new snow day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
