Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
