I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
