She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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