I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
