i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
